For the next week I attended classes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. We are off Tuesday and Friday making for a long weekend with a lot of time to think. This is not a good thing for me, because the thinking of my past, got me to where I am today, living at the salvation army and being a recovering alcoholic. I need to change my thinking from moving backwards at every step to advancing step by step.
I do step one in front of fifteen other guys with my case manager presiding over the class. I let it all hang out. I tell of being dishonest with myself and others, lying,
financial problems, blaming my ex wives for my drinking, isolating and loss of moral values and to the damage alcohol has done to my body, heart and lungs. Class members ask questions and I answer truthfully and at the end, for some reason, I feel much better about myself. I don't question why, and accept that fact.
I have learned that my chemical dependence is a chronic brain disease and is relentless, It will kill me if I continue to use it. I want to continue in my recovery, so that I can regain my self respect, have a relationship with my two children and other people, have patience, manage anger and to under- stand the pain other people have rather than being judgemental. I realize I have a long road ahead of me and that I need a lot of help to succeed. I now pray a lot, I figure that if my higher power can't help me, I'm done for.
Author: Alden Morrison
Recovering Alcoholic
