October 17, 2007
The day started out as usual, except, that I was
feeling much better, the Librium was doing its job.
I now had passengers with me in my car going to
and from meetings and to the classroom, we all
had the same thing in common, we were beat up
and did not have the brains to know it. Most of
the guys were homeless including me, I had given
up my apartment in Tallahassee and put my stuff
in a storage unit there, we all showed false faces
and told jokes, lied to each other, like we did not
have a care in the world but in actuality we had
lost the war and I was starting to understand that.
In class that day, I was assigned a case manager
by the name of Fred. He was in his 50's and had
been around this program for about 20 years. I
came to find out, he was an understanding man that
you could not lie to, tell him your sob story or any-
thing else, because he simply knew you were sing-
ing to the choir, as he put it.
For most of the day, we watched films on the damage
alcohol and drugs did to the body and brain, filled out
questionnaires, read pages 26, 27, 28, 86,87 and 88,
of the Big Book which we read daily as homework. One of the questionnaires was about Consequences and Feelings, I answered these questions as honestly as I could and here they are:
1. What is going on in your life that made you decide
to come to the program.?
I was laying in bed one morning, to sick to get out of it,
feeling a sense of doom and disaster, at that point I
knew,that my drinking days had come to an end.
2. What are the benefits of drinking/drugging for you.?
It gave me a could care less attitude about everything,
the only thing I cared about was making sure I had
enough liquor to carry me through the night, waking up
with no liquor around was like having no air to breath.
3. What are the disadvantages of drinking/drugging
for you.
I lost two wives, one relationship, did not see my own
two children grow up, lost a business and of course
federal tax problems.
The other three questions relate to prior attempts in
your life to sober up. I had never attempted to, at any
time in my 64 years, only to control it at times on my own.
The day ended with my having been to three Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings but I have yet to share anything
at these meetings, I seem reluctant to do so.
Author: Alden Morrison
