Admitting My Alcoholism

By sincerely engaging in spiritual
practice, we can gain mastery over
our mind

Looking back I had a hard time
admitting I was a alcoholic. I
really did not think I was different
from other people. But I finally
came to admit it. I saw friends
take a couple of drinks and stop.
My body always wanted another
drink and always got it and then
another one, it seemed never to
not want another drink. Reflecting
on this, I can remember my friends
misplacing their drinks at a party
or bar when dancing or doing other
things, me I never did, it was always
in my hand waiting to be refilled but
I can remember not being able to
locate my car.

A person avoids peanut butter if he
or she is allergic to it because it will
make them sick or possibly face death,
same goes for a person allergic to shell
fish, it makes them deadly sick so both
the above type people avoid the food
which they are allergic too. Not the
alcoholic. If I avoid alcohol, I am Okay.
If I take that first drink my body craves
another then another and so on, my
allergy not only slowly kills me, but
destroys every relationship I have, helps
me break the laws of society and not
remember any of it. So I came to the
conclusion that I was not as normal
as the next person when it came to
drinking alcohol.

My sick mind went on thinking and
it came up with this, "I have a allergy
called alcoholism", and it stop arguing
with itself, my alcoholic mind does that
all the time, doesn't yours?

Some people will never admit to being
a alcoholic. They will perform all kinds
of test on themselves, i.e. drink on
weekends only, beer only, wine only,
etc., none of which works. We are
alcoholics and will never be able to
drink like normal people, nor will the
lovers of peanut butter or shell fish and
who are allergic, ever be able to enjoy
those foods.

Author: Alden Morrison

My Fathers Way

By sincerely engaging in spiritual
practice, we can gain mastery over
our mind

I walk through life now with a renewed
attitude and dreams. The Father of the
Universe is with me now. I have given
Him my will and he now guides me
through the day and gives me strength
and hope to do his will. I no longer fear
the day, I walk knowing, I am guided in
my relationships and actions with other
people, places and things. I now have
the strength, because of my Father, to
say no at the right times, to behave with
brotherly love and to help my brothers
in need.

My Father helps me to control my thoughts,
to discard the bad ones and to embrace the
good ones, as those good thoughts, always
help others in some fashion, that I may or
may not be aware of, but I know, that is the
way of my Father, for He is all loving.

I sometimes forget to be grateful to my
Father, because at times I take for granted
the good things he has done for me and I
fall back to doing my will. This always
ends in strife for me and my Father who
loves me allows this strife to happen. This
strife always brings me back to my Father,
who is always happy to see me. You see,
no matter what I have done, he always
loves me.

My Father allows for the hardships of daily
life, for you see, he wants to know how I
will handle these little adversities of life.
My way or His way?

I now know which way is best way, but I must
admit, I still stumble, but now I know, to
immediately talk to Him and get on His
track again.

My Father put in my path the good people
at the Veterans Administration, the Doctors
and staff, members of Alcoholics Anonymous,
my sponsor and the fellowship of sober
alcoholics.

That is why this alcoholic veteran is a
sober alcoholic veteran today.

One Day At A Time.

Author: Alden Morrison

Turning My Will Over To God As I Understand Him

By sincerely engaging in spiritual
practice, we can gain mastery over
our mind

I often hear in the rooms of
alcoholics anonymous, I have
surrendered my will over to God.
Well if we really turn our wills
over to God, we have to know what
Gods will is because at that point
it is no longer about us, but about
God. I started thinking to myself
which could be dangerous, is his
will in the 12 steps, could be for
some people working on all our
character defects, could it be in
the Big Book of alcoholic Annoy-
mous again it could be for some
people but I could not find his will
in either the steps or the Big Book.

I was sitting quietly and thinking on
this, when the phrase "one day at a
time", popped into my mind, a phrase
used often by alcoholics and druggies.
A fellow alcoholic veteran had told me
the phrase actually came from the
bible. The following may not be the
exact words but close enough, "do
not worry about tomorrow, because
the evils of today are great enough".

So again, I start thinking, when I pray
I am doing the talking, when I meditate
I am working on my character defects,
relaxing or just quiting my mind and
if God is talking to me during these
times, I don't hear him or I do not have
the right code.

So again, I start thinking and come to
the conclusion that the right code is the
bible. I started reading in the Book of
Mathew and now I know what Gods will
is for me, but doing his will is a different
matter than just saying the words. I
came across these words "I do what I
don't want to do and the things I want to
do, I don't do".

Well now that I know Gods will for me,
I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

Again I start thinking, boy, some of Gods
will, will be hard to follow, I will have to
change my life style, but I know of some
religious groups that take some parts of
the bible and leave other parts out, seems
ok for them, but I have an extra ace in the
hole, hang, I am an alcoholic and can
use that for not completely following his
will, boy, that is as good an excuse as
any, wonder if He will buy it? What do
you think?

Folks remember, the above is my opinion
only, have a great day.

Author: Alden Morrison

Bitterness

You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions

When I was going through Detox,
sick as a dog and living at the
Salvation Army, I did not see
any reason to thank my Higher
Power. I had very little tolerance
and patience, in fact I was in full
panic mode and my mind was
racing a mile a minute. I think
I was angry with the world
including my Higher Power. I
was a very bitter person with a
chip on my shoulder. My whole
life didn't make any sense to me.
Why was all this crap happening
to poor me?

As the days went by, and receiving
the help I needed from the people
my Higher Power put in my path,
I overcame that bitterness and put
the blame where it actually belonged,
on me.

Whether I handled those adversities
well or not, I really do not know but
I do know that this veteran alcoholic
is grateful to the Veterans Addiction
program, Alcoholic Anonymous and
to my God.

Author: Alden Morrison

Finding My Fears

You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions

Fear effects my thoughts and the way I
act. I don't think I have any fears but
they could be hidden and I am told that
they are the most dangerous to have.

So I meditate on it and try to be as honest
as I can with myself. I am afraid of
getting really sick, I know I don't fear
criticism or I would not be doing this
blog. I think about my two children
and it scares me that they might get
hurt or end up as alcoholics like I am.
I have no other relationships, so there
are no anxieties there and at 65 I do
not plan on any, been there and done
that hell, of course the hell was all my
doing. I may have some fears hidden
in my past that have not come up yet.
I am currently working on my Step 4,
in conjunction with a drug/alcohol
curve and this should shake my
memory up as I dig deeper into my-
self.

In the mean time I meditate several
times a day and this helps me to not
dwell on fears. I have to be especially
careful of fears and boredom, both
could send me back to hell again. Oh
yes, I do fear God, I don't know how
to get over that one.

In the mean time I am a sober alcoholic
veteran trying to stay that way.

Author: Alden Morrison

My Alcoholic Thoughts

You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions

My thoughts will make me or break me.
When I was drinking, my foremost
thought was liquor. Do I have enough
to last me the day. I better go buy
another bottle, hang, I don't have
enough money, I better borrow some
or con someone out of it. Thoughts
effected my morals and created an ego
that just wasn't me. I was just a
simple drunk, not this sophisticated
guy that my ego developed for me.

Thinking back on it all, I probably
never went to God for help, because
I liked my character defects to much,
to even think of a higher power. I
knew that my drinking and druggie
friends did not hang out with people
that didn't use and God would only
disapprove of us, so he was not
invited to the party.

Now being a sober alcoholic veteran
and having surrendered my will over
to God, I have help in changing those
thoughts that enter my mind at will,
it seems. When I become aware of
those kind of thoughts, I now can
change them immediately, this keeps
me sober and my morals as they
should be.

Life is improving hour by hour and
most of all, I sleep well at night
knowing I did my best today.

Author: Alden Morrison

Step 3 - Progress

You Become What You Think About

I do my Step 3 in front of 12 other
alcoholic veterans, I get mixed
feedback.

The reality of my drinking is that I
cannot stop on my own or just with
a rehab program. I need something
greater and bigger than myself or for
anything else for that matter. I realized
by doing Steps 1 and 2, that trying to
stay sober my way did not work and
that I needed help big time from God
as I understand him. I am convinced
that I am a mentally sick person, how
else can I explain what I did to myself
and others, I can't. A rehab program
itself, cops, lawyers and doctors can
not keep me from drinking, so I have
no choice but to call on God. I realize
God has me now where he wants me
and is bending my will to conform to
his. I accept this as a fact by simply
not doubting it, because if I doubt it,
I loss faith and losing faith just means
I am back on the road to drinking and
self destruction, so I come to the
conclusion that I have no choice, I
accept God

I am not naive about the fact that there
is a price for everything and that I must
pay that price by having an open mind,
a willingness to accept things as they are
and by trying not to impose my will on
others or by having my own way, all
easier said than done but I am working
on it.

Author: Alden Morrison

Patience - We Need to Practice It

You Become What You Think About

Patience is wisdom. It shows that we
understand that things unfold in
their own time, not our time. You
cannot make things happen so I
just accept that fact and if I get
impatient I have learned to change
my thoughts because thoughts create
the impatience in me.

Thoughts of the past and the future
just seem to come and go at their own
pace, like I have two minds, so as soon
as I become aware of these thoughts I
can change them. Meditation really
helps me, in doing this.

The best way I can explain this, is that
I have a young daughter that hardly
will talk to me because during my
drinking with my veteran alcoholic
friends, I neglected our relationship
for years. Now that I have been sober
for a couple of months, she still has
not come around to speaking with me.
How should I feel about her emotions,
that I have no control over, mad, angry,
impatient after all, I have been sober for
sixty days. You see now I can't do
anything about the way she feels except
do the next right thing, like attempting
to call, write a letter, telling her mother
to tell her that I love her. She is in
control, I am not. So if I want to stay
a sober veteran, I accept that fact, and
know, if I am persistent and have patience
she will come around and I will stay sober
rather than start drinking and take the
road to hell again. Meditation helps me
do this, why it works, I don't know, but
then I try to keep things simple and
accept them now, I have faith.

Author: Alden Morrison

Relapse Prevention - My tools

You Become What You Think About

I avoid relapse by setting a daily routine
which I follow:

My routine starts at 5am. I pray giving
thanks for my sobriety, my living conditions,
being able to sustain myself, I pray for my
children, for others and our country. I ask
for strength to stay sober today and for
wisdom in my decision making and
forgiveness. I will then read a small
verse from a book called "24 Hours a
Day" followed by a short Bible verse.
I then meditate for a half hour by
clearing my mind of thoughts and
keeping it still, this is work but I am
getting better at it by doing it several
times a day, it relieves any stress or
worry I may have. I don't know why
but I always feel calm after meditation.

I call my sponsor at 7:30am because
that is what he wants, I think he is
trying to teach me that the telephone
is not heavy. He always gives me the
time I need to discuss anything I have
on my mind and he suggests sound
advice to follow.

I have set daily goals, so I read them
aloud to myself, I have already done
some of them with the above routine.
I have goals because I like to know
where I am going in life. Goals keep
me in the right direction.

I have a list of ten telephone numbers
of sober friends I have meet and during
my day, I will call several of them to
keep in touch and just chew the fat,
they do the same.

My work day then begins and by noon,
I am at my first alcoholics anonymous
meeting. I listen, I share, I mingle with
sober veteran alcoholic friends then
back to work and at another alcoholic
anonymous meeting by 5:30pm. I again
share, listen, mingle with my sober
alcoholic veteran friends then head for
home.

I then have supper, clean up, look over
my goals and finish them off for the day,
I ad some or change some for tomorrow.
I now have free time from 7 to 11pm and
I fit in prayer and meditation during this
free time and I am in bed usually by 11pm.

During the weekend my routine slightly
changes to include Church on Sunday.
This weekend I am attending a weekend
long conference on addiction at my
church. If it were not for that, I would
attend three alcoholic anonymous
meetings a day.

This routine may sound dull to some but
it keeps me sober and after all, that is my
main goal because if I do not stay sober,
life once again would become hell, been
there and done that.

Author: Alden Morrison