Relapse Information

You Become What You Think About.

Relapse simply put means going back
out drinking or drugging after being
clean for a period of time. Relapse is
often preventable. In class I am told
to be aware of the symptoms/warning
signs as they occur and take control
by making specific changes in my life.

Some of the conditions of your state of
mind that can cause relapse are:

. being depressed
. loss of self-confidence
. poor judgement
. compulsive/impulsive behavior
. confusion
. difficulty in making decisions
. easily irritated/angered
. no daily routine
. feeling helpless
. poor sleeping habits
. apathy
. withdrawal from usual activities
. can't concentrate/focus

Another very important factor is
to AVOID People, Places and Things
this simply means stay away from
ex drinking buddies, druggies,
crack dealers, prostitutes, cops,
or anyone else that reminds you
of your drinking and drugging days.
As the song says, friends in low places.
As far as places go that is simple
enough, bars, crack houses, cheap
motels, streets where you bought
your stuff, liquor stores, you know
the places, avoid them. Things are
anything that remind you of drinking
and drugging and the most important
thing to avoid is a relationship or
major decision for at least one year
into your sobriety. A relationship
gone south with take you with it.

I also think we alcoholic veterans
should avoid war stories about our
service because it can bring back
some unpleasant memories and push
that trigger.

Now we know what will cause a relapse,
in tomorrows blog I will discuss what
I learned to prepare myself so a
relapse will not occur.

If you should relapse, do not be ashamed,
get right back into your program. A wise
man once said, a failure just brought me
that much closer to success, if I learned
from that failure. Oh yes, I am not that
wise man, I struggle one day at a time.

Author: Alden Morrison

Helpful Tool For A Veteran Alcoholic

In class today we learned of a simple
tool to use to help us avoid relapse.
Its a simple acronym we all know if
you did any guard duty. HALT and
it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely,
and Tired.

Hungry - Do not let yourself go hungry,
it causes you to crave something and
that something could turn out to be
alcohol or drugs. Try to eat healthy,
but anything will do, to keep the hungry
cravings away. Here at the apartment
complex we Veteran alcoholics live in,
you could say the Veterans Hospital
has supplied us with a mini store. No
lack of food or snacks and my favorite
ice cream of course with toppings.

Angry - As I sober up, my feelings and
emotions are returning, I have angry
feelings about the Vietnam war, the way I was treated when I returned home, angry at everyone for no special reason. I am angry that it is hard for me to concentrate, angry at my ex wife and full of self pity. So I am told the second I become aware of these feelings, to speak to someone about them. I try to avoid psychiatrist, I believe they are confused from listening to so many confused people themselves. Only kidding. Talk to your sponsor, net work of friends and other Veteran alcoholics that are sober or go to a alcoholic anonymous meeting.

Lonely - Loneliness can lead to drinking
and drugging again. Call your sponsor,
a friend, go to a meeting, go shopping,
be where people are, do not be alone
if you get this feeling. Here at the
Veterans Hospital we Alcoholic Vets
don't have that problem, but we will
when we leave this program, so now
we are aware of what to do.

Tired - I am told to get myself on a
schedule so I get enough rest and not
become overtired, as my defenses will
not be as sharp and will lead back to
a relapse. All we veteran alcoholics
are getting our bodies use to a schedule
while here at the Veterans hospital, in
bed by 11pm and up by 6am. I plan on
keeping this schedule when I leave this
program.

Author: Alden Morrison

Step Three - Working on It

Step three is making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.

In class today we veteran alcoholics discussed step 3. Surprisingly most of all the veterans believed in God, some choose to call him their High Power. I choose to call him God.

For me I believed but that is as far as it went. I lost being in touch with God during the Vietnam war, I think I saw to much, did to much to believe a loving God could let it all happen.

I had traded God in for a bottle and I really
never learned to love after that. I think my
soul and conscience just became hardened.
I felt nothing except for what I wanted and
if I wanted it, I did anything to get it.

Letting God into my life was a challenge
for me because, I could let him in but
would he forgive me for all the destruction
I had created in my life? Some other
Veterans spoke up and said he would, if
I asked, this all seemed to simple for me.
Some other alcoholic veterans said they
already had turned there lives and wills
over to God, but I didn't see any changes
in them. The class was now over, but
I would discuss this with several other
alcoholic veterans for the next several days. It seemed like the instructor Fred had given my soul and conscience a kick
start. I was glad we had several more
Step 3 classes to attend.

Author: Alden Morrison

Mindful Meditation

You Become What You Think About.

One of the Classes I attended today is:

Introduction to concepts of emotional regulation and mindfulness meditation.

TYPE OF VISIT: Veteran participated in a one hour session of Mindfulness-based stress reduction.

PROBLEM: lacks knowledge of healthy coping strategies/relaxation techniques for recovery.

INTERVENTION:

Goal:

1) To participate in a group discussion on principles of mindfulness meditation for developing strategies for emotional regulation in recovery.

2) To participate in an experiential class that will demonstrate a type of mindful attention through watching the breath and other experiential exercises.

METHODOLOGY: Experiential educational group with participant sharing and processing.

GROUP CONTEXT: Group session focused on members engaging in an experiential exercise, mindfulness sitting meditation, standing
stretching meditation and mindfulness walking meditation, followed by discussing their experience. They read and discussed the seven principles of mindfulness meditation, and how they relate to coping in recovery.

PARTICIPATION: Veteran was attentive during the discussion and participated in the meditation (sitting, stretching and walking) portion of the class. He He felt that he benefited from the experience.

PLAN: Continue mindfulness meditation group.

Prior to this class on meditation, I had come across
a web site that offered a free download for the military
and veterans, its called "Be Still And Know", and it
has a lot of other mindful information to help us in
our goal of staying sober for a better life. Its at the
FHU web site located on the sidebar of this blog. I
recommend it to all veterans.

Author: Alden Morrison

Substance Abuse Treatment, VA Hospital

I was now admitted for substance abuse
at the Veterans Hospital, Gainesville, Fl.

Since the program is voluntary, all
Veterans sign a compliance contract,
stating they will adhere to all rules of
the program, to many to mention here.

The program provides housing off of
hospital grounds in a apartment complex
modified to accommodate 20 veterans of
both sexes. Most of the veterans were
homeless, so this is the first housing they
have had, in some cases, years. We now
had a bed, clean sheets and of course
medical attention that most of us
needed.

All individual medicines were locked up,
and it was each veterans responsibility
to take it as per scribed but all under
supervision of a health technician, at the
time it all seem like a big pain, but in
hindsight very professionally handled
considering you have 20 veterans all
in different stages of recovery, all with
different attitudes towards the program,
themselves and others. Its a mental
ward actually, wow!! I did not want to
tell the world I was in a mental ward.

Daily classes were at another location
and the Veterans Hospital provided
transportation, they also provided
transportation to and from the hospital
for medical appointments and to take
urine samples several times a week. The
Health Technicians would give us blow
test when they deemed necessary. If
your urine test came back dirty, you
were gone.

You could not just come and go as you
pleased, your time was completely
occupied from morning to night.

A usual day was up at 6am, fix your
own breakfast, lunch was brought in
to us at the class location and supper
was fixed by two of us for the whole
20 people in the program. Two different
individuals cooked every evening with
a planned menu voted on by the veterans
themselves under the supervision of
the Diet Technician. Then you did your
assigned house chores, got ready to go
to class by 8am. Your day ended at
11pm. There was very little free time
until later in the program.

We were self governed by electing a
President, Sgt at Arms and a Secretary
of course all supervised by a Health
Technician.

The Peer Leader was appointed by the
staff, usually a vet with some time in
recovery that was doing well and
followed the program. Every week
all patients were given a grading sheet
and we graded each other in all aspects
of our recovery. I think this sheet was
used to pick the Peer Leader, but I am
not sure.

I was able to adjust to this program
fairly quickly without any problems. I
think my fourteen years in the Marine
Corps had taught me to adjust to any
situation in life and be content with it
and I was.

I had now been sober for about four
weeks in the outpatient program and
now set my sites on learning how to
stay that way. Sobriety had become
my number one and only goal I had
set for myself, now I was going to learn
the steps to achieve that goal because
my way of living had become hell.

Author: Alden Morrison

Ineffective Positive Coping Strategies

Diagnosis: Substance Dependence

Problem: Ineffective positive coping strategies
Long Term Goal: Veteran will be able to implement positive coping strategies independently.

Intervention:

I. Session Title: Coping Skills.

II. Group Therapy time/date: 60 minutes.

III. Topic of discussion/needs addressed:
positive coping strategies for recovery.
The group members read and discussed
the handout "An affirmation is a gift to
myself" looking at how their way of looking
at situations can determine how they feel
about it. They created a personal
affirmation and shared it with the group.
Having a positive attitude was processed
as a coping skill for recovery. They read
"Affirmations" by Louise Hay which
focuses on gratitude, making positive
changes, being in the here and now as
well as having a positive outlook on life.
The statement "those who think they can
and those who think they can't are both
right" was processed. They were encouraged
to keep a gratitude journal to increase their
positive thoughts.

IV. Goals and/or Objectives: Group member
will participate in discussions and exercises
during the group. He/she will demonstrate
an understanding of the topic as evidenced
by quality/content of participation.

V. Participation/behavior A. Attendance:

{x} Attended full session {} Arrived late.

B. Level of Participation {} Appropriately
initiates, discloses and sustains conversation, engages appropriately in discussions.

{x} Discloses relevant information within the structure of the group.
{} Excessive discussions, may disclose
information inappropriately at times or
discuss items not pertinent to topic.
{} Requires maximum cuing to
participate or does not participate in
discussion.

C. Attention

{x} attentive, eye contact as appropriate,
appears interested throughout the group
{} intermittent periods of attention/inattention
{} lacks eye contact, appears disinterested
throughout the group.

VI. Outcome:
He/she met goal to demonstrate an
understanding of the topic as evidenced
by quality and content of participation: {x} Yes.
He/she met goal to participate in the group
discussions and exercise: {x} Yes.

VII. Plan: Continue coping skills group
/es/ PAM, MHSE OTR/L Occupational Therapist

I left the class thinking, if I believe I can stay
sober, I will. I had been drinking for forty years and it nearly killed me. I have to believe that
statement.

I did not particularly like this instructor, her
class came over pretty flat.

Author: Alden Morrison

My Trauma and PTSD Evaluation

The below examination is from my health record
located at the Veterans Hospital, Gainesville, Fl.

TRAUMA/PTSD SCREEN:

Some people have had terrible experiences that others never go through,
such as:
- being attacked - no
- being sexually assaulted or raped - no
- being in a flood or natural disaster - no
- being in combat - yes
- being in a bad accident - no
- being threatened with a weapon - yes
- seeing someone badly injured or killed - yes

(a) Did any of these experiences ever happen to you? (X)yes ()no ()N/A
If you answered "no" to question a, skip questions b, c, and d.

(b) In the past month, have you been bothered by repeated, disturbing
memories, thoughts or images of one or more of the stressful events
experienced above? ()yes (X)no ()N/A

(c) In the past month, have you felt distant or cut off from other people?
()yes (X)no ()N/A

(d) In the past month, have you been "super alert" or watchful or on
guard? ()yes (X)no ()N/A

Scoring: If patient answers affirmatively to question a and endorses ONE
of the subsequent questions (b, c, or d) refer to a mental health

professional for further evaluation and treatment of probable PTSD.

DEPRESSION SCREEN

1. During the past month, have you often been bothered by feeling down,
depressed, or hopeless? ()yes (X)no

2. During the past month, have you often been bothered by little interest
or pleasure in doing things? ()yes (X)no

A positive test result = a yes response to either question.
LIVING ENVIRONMENT SCREEN


PATIENT NAME AND ADDRESS
MORRISON, ALDEN
GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA 32609

VISTA Electronic Medical Documentation

Printed at N. FLORIDA/S. GEORGIA VHS
Page 459

() Home/apartment with family
() Home/apartment alone
() Structured living environment (i.e. Oxford House, Assisted Living)
() Shelter or transient home
(X) Homeless

ALCOHOL USE DISORDERS IDENTIFICATION TEST (AUDIT)

1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol?

( )0. Never
( )1. Monthly or less
( )2. Two to four times a month
( )3. Two to three times a week
(X )4. Four or more times a week

2. How many drinks containing alcohol do you have on a typical day when you
are drinking?

( )0. 1 or 2
( )1. 3 or 4
( )2. 5 or 6
( )3. 7-9
(X )4. 10 or more

3. How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion?

( )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
( )3. Weekly
(X )4. Daily or almost daily

4. How often during the last year have you found that you were not able to
stop drinking once you had started?

( )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
( )3. Weekly
(X )4. Daily or almost daily

5. How often during the past year have you failed to do what was normally
expected from you because of drinking?

( )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
(X )3. Weekly
( )4. Daily or almost daily

MORRISON, ALDEN
GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA 32609

6. How often during the last year have you needed a first drink in the
morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session?

( )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
( )3. Weekly
(X )4. Daily or almost daily

7. How often during the last year have you had a feeling of guilt or
remorse after drinking?

(X )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
( )3. Weekly
( )4. Daily or almost daily

8. How often during the last year have you been unable to remember what
happened the night before because you had been drinking?

(X )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
( )2. Monthly
( )3. Weekly
( )4. Daily or almost daily

9. Have you or someone else been injured as a result of your drinking?

(X )0. No
( )2. Yes, but not in the last year
( )4. Yes, during the last year

10. How often has a friend, relative, doctor, or other health worker been
concerned about your drinking or suggested you cut down?

( )0. Never
( )1. Less than monthly
(X )2. About once a month
( )3. About once a week
( )4. Several times a week

Total Score= 25
A score of 8 or above is considered indicative of a clinical alcohol
disorder, and further evaluation should be performed.
/es/ A. D.
RN, C
Signed: 11/30/2007 10:16

LOCAL TITLE: SATT RESIDENTIAL INITIAL NURSING ASSESSMENT (T)
STANDARD TITLE: NURSING NOTE

VISTA Electronic Medical Documentation

Page 461
DATE OF NOTE: NOV 30, 2007@09:43 ENTRY DATE: NOV 30, 2007@09:43:46
AUTHOR: D, L EXP COSIGNER:
URGENCY: STATUS: COMPLETED

This is a 64 year old, FEB 4,1943, DIVORCED,MALE who was admitted
to SARRTP from the Gainesville Salvation Army where he has resided for 1 1/2
months. Prior to this, vet lived in Tallahassee, FL in an apartment x 1 1/2yrs.
Vet put his belongings in storage and came to Gainesville for substance abuse
treatment. Upon arrival to Gainesville vet entered into Ambulatory Detox and
completed x 1wk. Vet referred to SARRTP by: Fred, MSW and Irma
, CAP. Vet will be followed by Ms. Irma

SARRTP. DOC - Alcohol. Vet denies h/o substance abuse treatment.

1. INITIAL NURSING ASSESSMENT

RATED DISABILITIES - NONE FOUND
___________________________________________________________________
Height: 68 in [172.7 cm] (11/30/2007 08:57)
Weight: 252 lb [114.5 kg] (11/30/2007 08:57)
Temperature: 98.2 F [36.8 C] (11/30/2007 08:57)
B/P: 130/79 (11/30/2007 08:57)
Pulse: 66 (11/30/2007 08:57)
Respiration: 18 (11/30/2007 08:57)
___________________________________________________________________
BAL: 0.0 Urine DS Sent: ()Yes ()No (X)Pending
__________________________________________________________________
NUTRITIONAL ASSESSMENT:
Appetite: ()Very poor ()Probably inadequate (X)Adequate
()Excellent
History:
Current diet: regular
Religious/Ethic/Cultural Food Preferences: denies
Appetite - good
Recent weight loss/gain - stable
Difficulty Chewing/Swallowing - denies
___________________________________________________________________
Allergies: Patient has answered NKA
___________________________________________________________________
Reason for Admission: Substance abuse treatment:

PATIENT NAME AND ADDRESS
MORRISON, ALDEN
GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA 32609

I was now in residential treatment in the Veterans
Hospital, Gainesville, Fl

Author: Alden Morrison

___________________________________________________________________

My Tools For Staying Sober

Prayer is the most powerful tool in
my arsenal, if men such as President
Ronald Reagan and House Speaker,
Newt Gingrich, claimed the power
of prayer, I also claim it. So the first
thing in the morning, I pray and ask
for the strength to stay sober today,
pray for my fellow veterans and for
this country of ours and give thanks
to be where I am today. Now I have
come to the conclusion, that my God
also wants me to initiate action and
help myself.

Through Alcoholics Anonymous I
found a sponsor of my liking, a net-
work of sober friends and of course
the professionals in the stay sober
business, at the Veterans Addiction
Program at the Veterans Hospital
here in Gainesville, Fl., all available
to me and the Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings I attend to unload my
frustrations. I no longer have to
keep all that guilt in me. I let it all out at a meeting and no one judges me, in fact they embrace me. I
think about these meetings as a
corporation does when they have
meetings. They discuss problems
the are having, ways to solve those
problems to achieve the corporations
goals.

I read the Big Book of Alcoholics
Anonymous where I find a story
about any problem I seem to be
having, with its solution.

I use my sponsor and my network
of sober friends I have made through
Alcoholics Anonymous and the
Veterans Program to bounce different
problems and scenarios off of. I akin
this to a master mind group, which
greater men than I have participated
in, to solve problems and enrich there
lives, so not being the brightest of the
bright, I jumped on the bandwagon.


I read the Bible to gain Gods insight
and direction. You see I don't believe
reading the bible is a religious thing,
its the insight of how my God desires
me to live in this universe, a guide
book which to meditate on, one verse
at a time. I am a slow learner.

Now with the tools mentioned, I
conquered alcohol today and the
barking dog in me sleeps before his
next attack.

I pray throughout the day, to keep him
sleeping, because I have come to
realize, that one lousy drink means
the whole bottle and the loss of
everything I have gained. I hate
the fact, that one drink will do this
to me, you see, I love to drink.

I recently meet a fellow Veteran that
opened up to me and said Al, I don't
really like you. I thought for a minute
and said, that OK, but can I ask why,
he stated, you smile to much. I didn't
answer and walked away. The power
of Prayer.

I have never meet anyone that bashes
Alcoholics Anonymous, but on the
Internet there are a few blogs doing so.
All I can say, is you have the right to
bash all you want, of course I will not
give you any space in my head, but I
wonder what is your motivation?, but
since I have entered the VA and AA
programs, they have thought me to
allow for others without judging them,
so I don't judge your motivation, I
will just pray for you. The power of
prayer may reveal your motivation to
you.


Author: Alden (Al) Morrison

The Alcoholic Brain - Simplefied

I break down my alcoholic brain
into two parts.

The barking bad dog, and the good
dog. The bad dog is the back of my
brain and the good dog is the front
of my brain, easy enough.

Now all the barking bad dog can do
is suggest, other than that, he can't
do anything. So bad dog suggest,
let go get a drink, it will make us feel
better and lets go to a bar, remember
the last time, we meet that lady and
we went home with her, wasn't that
great and lets leave now maybe she
will be there now, but be quite and
don't wake up the wife and keep the
family dog from barking, what a pest,
I will come up with a plan to get rid
of him.

Well now, good dog digested all of that
and he is thinking it over, because he
is the one with the actual power to
follow through with bad dogs
suggestions. Good dog is the one with
the money, car and knows where the
bar is and can make it happen . I like listening to barking bad dog because
his suggestions make me feel good, if I
follow through.

My next blog will be about the tools I
have learned to use in the Veterans
Addiction Program to combat barking
bad dog.

As a final note, for you Lady Veterans,
I came across a site called Sobriety Girl,
a lot of interesting articles and facts and
its for guys to, I enjoy reading her blog.

Author: Alden Morrison

Medical Aspects of Addiction

The below information comes
directly from my health record
at the Veterans Hospital,
Gainesville, Fl

SUBJECT: Medical aspects of addiction

TYPE OF VISIT: Psychoeducational group

DIAGNOSIS: Alcohol dependence

PROBLEM: Lack of knowledge about the biologic basis of addiction which manifests as craving.

INTERVENTION:
Objectives: Patient will verbalize understanding of "old brain hijacking new brain".

Patient will name 3 triggers which set him/her up for using.

METHODOLOGY: Lecture with white board illustrations.

PRINCIPLES OF THE LECTURE:Taken from the Big Book of AA and medical research.
Brain has a primitive 'center' area that seeks reward and comfort. It interprets the need for this as central to survival.

Crack is usually a binge drug when money is available-less withdrawal and more tired.

Alcohol tends to be daily and causes harder withdrawal.

All drugs of abuse have in common a reaction seen under the MRI machine. Put addicts in for 6 min and show pictures of what they
love (the drug) and the reward pathway in the primitive brain "lights up". It puts cocaine on the level of breathing and eating. Old brain wins every time.

The midbrain "lights up" when person exposed to the dealer, a prostitute, motels, and so on.
Only known solution is to find something greater than yourself alone. Go be with the people who have found a way to not use and be happy-- no longer angry all the time.

(X) Patient Attended
PATIENT PARTICIPATION:
Patient:
(X) Was Alert ( ) Was not alert
(X ) Appeared oriented ( ) Did not appear oriented
(X) Interacted with others ( ) Did not interact

The three triggers mentioned above were not to
complicated for me to figure out:

Business Problems
Home Problems, wife and kids
I wanted to drink - so I did

Author: Alden Morrison
Sober Alcoholic Veteran

Shame - Dealing With It

Today one of our classes is
concerning Shame in our
recovery, the instructor Fred
tells us that shame is the painful
feeling or belief that we are
flawed as human beings and is
a serious barrier to recovery
from substance dependency. He
tells us that we have to develop
positive supportive relationships
and coping skills to overcome
shame.

Fred goes on with the discussion
and now comes the time to get we
veterans involved. It just happens
he calls on me first, and I have the
feeling he is picking on me. The
question is, what is a shameful
experience you can think of. My
mind sort of goes blank as if it does
not want to answer the question. I
come up with, staying at the Salva-
tion Army, Fred does not buy that
so I say, when I had to admit to
myself that I was a drunk, a alcoholic.
Fred seems to buy that and so does
another veteran who speaks without
being called on and affirms, that it
was also very shameful for him. I
think to myself, idiot, I don't nee you,
to second the motion. Fred moves
on to other veterans and the hour
soon ends, I am grateful, I did not
want another question thrown at
me, but I have a lot more classes on
this subject. I really don't look
forward to them.

I start thinking, I really did not
know what I expected in this
program, but it certainly was not
digging that deep into my soul.

Author: Alden Morrison
Alcoholic Veteran

Veteran Breakdown

I had a appointment to meet with
Dr. Jennie Brandt, Medical Director
and the rest of the staff at the treatment
center for alcohol and drug addiction.
Attending were a psychiatrist, case
managers and what seemed to be a
whole lot of other people. As I walked
into the conference room, I think I
felt intimidated, I was offered a seat.
I still had shakes and my head still
seemed foggy from detoxing and the
Librium I was taking.

The questions started coming fast and
I don't think I answered them fully but
was doing the best I can in blaming
everyone else for my drinking problems
and the insane things I had done while
intoxicated. Then came Dr. Brandts
turn and she started questioning me
about my ex wife and of course I was
spouting off how terrible this women
and her kids where and poor me had
to put up with all her stuff, which made
me drink more. Dr. Brandt and other
staff members did not buy this and
the questions kept on coming. I finally
broke down crying, this tough ex
Marine was crying like a baby. Dr.
Brandt handed me a Kleenex and that
was the end of the session. I felt very
humiliated and defeated. The thought
ran through my head, buy a bottle, get
in the car and head to South Florida,
I hated Dr. Brandt and the rest of the
staff, they had made me see, what I did
not want to see, I was a drunk, a real
alcoholic, my tough ex Marine face
was destroyed, but something inside
me said, stay or you will die, I decided
to stay. I went back to the classroom,
looked at those veterans and said, I
broke down crying in there. No one
said anything.

I came to love Dr. Brandt, she really
cared about we veterans and helped
us in every way and really showed it
on an occasion weeks later, when she
was reading a paragraph to us out of
the Big Book concerning an incident.
She had tears flowing down her cheeks.

If by chance she ever reads this blog,
Doctor, you are a wonderful loving,
caring person and one hot looking
lady doctor.

For any veterans with an addiction
to drugs or alcohol or both, the
Gainesville Veterans Hospital in
Gainesville, Fl is the place to be,
when you are ready, but not before.

Author: Alden Morrison

Bashing Alcoholics Anonymous - Veteran Confused

I recently came across a program called
Rational Recovery. The owner of this site
sure bashes the Alcoholics Anonymous
program. The program relies on making
affirmative and positive statements and
reading them aloud as many times a day as
you can and therefore breaking the habit
of overindulgence of alcohol. According
to the owner of this site, it is not a
disease but an overindulgence, on the
alcoholics and drug addicts part. I have
no issue with this, in my case it seems
to me that it does not matter as long as
I take responsibility for my own actions
and not blame it on a disease or over-
indulgence, I blame it on what it is, I
am a drunk.

Basically what he prescribes is auto-
suggestion, which became very popular
with Napoleon Hills book ("Think and
Grow Rich") back in the 50s. I have
read the book and it is a great book and
works on anything you have a burning
desire to do. You can buy a used copy
on ebay for a couple of bucks.

Where Rational Recovery misses the boat
on the Alcoholics Anonymous program and
believe me, it is not perfect, is the fellow-
ship before and after meetings. I was new
in Gainesville, Fl and now know lots of
sober people to hang out with. The owner
of Rational Recovery on his website declares,
no more meetings, well I stayed at home,
drank, got drunk and isolated. Isolation,
is that not deadly for the alcoholic? Oh yes,
you can chat online, but really, is that not
still isolation?. I did, I drank chatted with
people I should not have been chatting
with and drank some more.

Another point is during my day when someone
irritates me, or I am rude to a stranger, give my
finger to another driver, call him or her an idiot,
then my conscience takes over and I feel bad
about it all and it's in me. I can go to a meeting
and unload it all and feel much better for
telling everyone what kind of idiot I am. You
know the Catholic Religion, about 200 million
world wide have a thing called confessional which
every Catholic has to do every year, I do not
know how many times, but I do know that they
must feel pretty good after doing it, closer
to there God, well after telling everyone about
my being an idiot on any given day makes me
feel good and closer to my Higher Power which
is also God. You don't get that with Rational
Recovery.

I include positive statements and reaffirmation's
in my program of recovery, but I still chose to
use the AA program as a way of life. It keeps
life interesting for me and most important
keeps me sober and keeps me working on
myself as a human being, I am actually a
pleasant guy to know now, so I say.

A last point, I don't know of to many
organizations that try to build a member-
ship by bashing another organization, even
a mediocre sales person knows this after
all, Rational Recovery is a business.

Author: Alden Morrison

Lacking In Motivation Or Skills To Maintain Sobriety

The below information comes directly
from my medical records at the Veterans
Hospital in Gainesville, Fl.

Problem: Veteran is Lacking in Motivation
or skils to maintain sobriety.

Long Term Goal: Veteran will be able to
identify and follow a plan for sobriety
independently.

Intervention: Veteran participated in a
one hour OT session on 1/26/07 as part
of the ambulatory detoxification program.
The topic of the class was planning. The
reason for planning was presented as
well as problems associated with lack
of planning. Using a planner and items to
include was presented. The concept of
HALT was discussed and it was brought
to their attention that planning could
help to avoid being hungry, angry, lonely
and tired (HALT). They were encouraged
to establish routines such as going to bed
and rising at the same time each day and
to eat well balanced meals, including fruits
and vegetables and drinking water. They
were encouraged to make entries in their
planners for the coming week including
activities recommended in their notebook.
Items to include were: daily meetings,
prayer/meditation, physical activity, leisure,
meetings, phone calls to supportive sober
individuals, reading the big book, and
appointments. He was attentive and
verbalized his leisure and exercise plan
for the coming week. He demonstrated
an understanding of the concepts and
participated appropriately within the
group structure.

He required additional structure to
participate appropriately as he
talked excessively, content was not
always helpful information for the group.

Author: Blank for privacy
Occupational Therapist

My First Goal As A Sober Alcoholic

In class yesterday we discussed goal
setting, so I attempt to set myself up
with one goal and that is to stay sober
and form some good habits.

I set up this small goal:

Wake up at 4am daily, this is hard to do
staying at the Salvation Army, I cannot
use an alarm clock even if I had one, I
sleep in an open bay with 20 other guys.
So I try something with my Higher Power,
I ask to be awakened each day at 4am.
Upon awakening I will give thanks to my Higher Power for my sobriety, a safe place to stay, the food I am given, the program I am in and ask God to look after my two teenagers and
keep them out of harms way, as for me,
I simply will ask him for strength to do
what I must, to stay sober. I go to bed
that night reminding God, that I must be up at 4am. The next morning I
wake up, its dark and everyone is
sleeping, I sit up on the bed and
follow my plan and as I finish, I notice
that Melvin, also a vet, that sleeps on the
top bunk watching me. I take a shower
and wait until the lights are turned on
to get dressed. I feel great at this point,
God had listened to me, he had awakened me at 4am.

Later that afternoon, Melvin asked me,
if I had been praying, I answered yes, then he asked me if it helped, I replied yes, but he gave me no response.

Author: Alden Morrison

Step Two - A Power Greater Than Myself

Step Two tells me there is a power greater
than ourselves and informs me, that I
am not going to fix my alcohol problem
by myself. The same mind that created
the problem, can't fix it on its own.

I came to believe that doing the things I
did like driving intoxicated, the affairs
I had, the yelling and screaming, the
lying that I believed, the excuses, losing
money, taking money from my family,
the bad business decisions, forgetting
where I parked the car, forgetting
where I had been, who I had talked
to, just to name a few was insane, a
sane person would not do what I had
done. I was on a path of self destruc-
tion that was ruining my health, cost
me my business and my family and I
still did not get the picture and con-
tinued to drink, you could say that I
was not playing with a full deck of
cards. I was insane.

I remember reading Think and Grow
Rich by Napoleon Hill and the Great-
est Story Ever Told by Earl Nighting-
ale that said we have a power that is
greater than ourselves and if we used
it, our lives would be enriched. I have
chosen to call on that power and I
call him God.

Now I have real hope that I can recover
I have an open mind about it, I don't
doubt my Higher Power and there-
fore have faith and as long as I keep
faith, I know, I will be alright.

Author: Alden Morrison

Diagnosis: Substances Abuse

One of the classes I attend:

Problem: Lack of effective knowledge of the
addictive and recovery process.

Intervention: This class explored the latest
definition of addiction along with several
instruments designed to distinguish the difference
between the abuse vs. dependence on a substance.
The definition describes addiction as a primary,
chronic, progressive illness, with a compulsive
element, that if left untreated can cause death.
This definition was discussed in some detail. The
difference between a problem drinker and an
alcoholic was also a topic of the group. Many
group members related some personal history as to their use or abuse of substances.

Evaluation: Vet appeared alert and interacted
appropriately during group.

All group members who use tobacco products were
encouraged to discuss with case manager the
possibility of referral to smoking cessation
services.

/es/ Rick Murrhee, MHS
Addiction Therapist

I enjoyed the class and learned a lot about
myself in my fight to stay sober

Technorati Tags: substance abuse, addictive recovery process, chronic, progressive illness, compulsive element, problem drinker, alcoholic

Alcohol And Pills Take A Friend

John and I are killing time riding around town for
lack of something better to do. He receives a call on
his cell phone and from what I gather its an old girl
friend. I stop at a local park so he can have some
privacy, he comes back to the car for what seemed
like hours and states he is going to South Florida
for the Thanksgiving weekend which is this week. I
say to myself, this is not a good idea and from what
I have learned from the classes on addiction that I
have attended, its a very bad idea, but he has attended
those same classes. I guess he must of been thinking
hard on this ex girl friend, because the next thing he
asks me, is to go by the Salvation Army to pack his bag
and to take him to a car rental place at the airport. I feel
like I am helping him along at this point, but I go ahead
anyway, his mind is made up and off he goes stating
that he will be back after Thanksgiving.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving day, I had several great meals,
met a lot of sober people and people in the Gainesville
community that are helping veterans, if we would only
allow them too and to move forward instead of backwards.

The rest of the long weekend went uneventful for me, I
attended three Alcoholic Anonymous meetings a day, stayed after the meetings and spoke with a lot of people and started working of my step two.

John called me several times after Thanksgiving always
after he had to many pills and alcohol. Then one day I
tried calling him and his telephone was disconnected. I
have not heard from him since. I keep him in mind when
I am talking to my Higher Power in hopes that he is okay
and will again seek help somewhere before the addiction
kills him.

I now have a new bunk mate, his name is Melvin also a
army veteran about fifty years old, he also, is part of the
out patient program at the Veterans hospital so we have
something in common which makes life easier. He says
this is his fourth attempt at cleaning up his act. I am
finding out that fighting this addiction is like being in
a war, you win some battles, but also lose some, so the
more training you get, you up the odds in your favor.

Step - One

For the next week I attended classes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. We are off Tuesday and Friday making for a long weekend with a lot of time to think. This is not a good thing for me, because the thinking of my past, got me to where I am today, living at the salvation army and being a recovering alcoholic. I need to change my thinking from moving backwards at every step to advancing step by step.

I do step one in front of fifteen other guys with my case manager presiding over the class. I let it all hang out. I tell of being dishonest with myself and others, lying,
financial problems, blaming my ex wives for my drinking, isolating and loss of moral values and to the damage alcohol has done to my body, heart and lungs. Class members ask questions and I answer truthfully and at the end, for some reason, I feel much better about myself. I don't question why, and accept that fact.

I have learned that my chemical dependence is a chronic brain disease and is relentless, It will kill me if I continue to use it. I want to continue in my recovery, so that I can regain my self respect, have a relationship with my two children and other people, have patience, manage anger and to under- stand the pain other people have rather than being judgemental. I realize I have a long road ahead of me and that I need a lot of help to succeed. I now pray a lot, I figure that if my higher power can't help me, I'm done for.

Author: Alden Morrison
Recovering Alcoholic

Mental Examination

The Veterans Administration at this point
gives me a mental examination, I obtain it
from my medical records, some of it seems
good and other parts of the exam, not so
good.

Appearance: casually dressed, well groomed.

No psycho motor agitation or retardation.

Alert and oriented X4.

Speech: normal rate, volume. No FOI.

Mood and affect: "pretty good", appropriate to situation and congruent'

Thought process: logical and linear.

Thought content: denies AVH; denies SI/HI.

Cognitive functions:

- Attention and concentration: intact.

- Memory: intact recent and remote.

- Insight and judgment: fair.

Alcohol dependence/withdrawal; nicotine dependence.

Axis III- HTN, alcoholic cardiomyopathy, DVT with subsequent anticoag therapy, ED, COPD.

Axis IV- limited recovery skills, lack of social support, unemployed.

1. Alcohol Withdrawal- will arrange benzodiazepine taper 25mg 1-2 capsules as needed q6 hrs for symptom of alcohol withdrawal.

2. Alcohol dependence- Based on history of dependence, significant tolerance,multiple failed attempts to control use, patient remains at risk for relapse with possible dangerous consequences without further 12 step recovery involvement and/or structured treatment with supportive living environment. Case manager appointment is pending.
Recommend 90 meetings in 90 days and obtaining 4 contacts within one week.

ASAM Admission Criteria:

1.Withdrawal- moderate risks- benzo taper; will monitor response to medications.

2.Biomedical- stable

3.Emotional/Behavioral/Cognitive- stable

4.Readiness for change- states desire to make significant changes in his life.

5.Relapse Potential/Continued Use- stable while in structured environment; at risk w/o developing and adhering to program of recovery.

6.Recovery Environment- poor.

My self prognosis is: I am a sober veteran and
plan on staying that way, no matter what.

Author: Recovering Alcoholic
Alden Morrison

Sobriety - My Stinking Thinking

My first weekend off since detox with no
supervision. John and I attend the morning
meeting of alcoholic anonymous and I notice
a large amount of the guys are veterans that
are staying at the two homeless shelters in
town, for the first time in my life, I realize a
large problem exist with the veterans but
mostly self inflicted, I say to myself, but not
me, its my ex wife who caused me to drink.

We then go do our laundry, time for lunch,
we head for subway and then head out to
attended a 12:30 AA meeting. Done with
the meeting we go to a movie to pass the
time away, then another 5pm meeting and
return to the Salvation Army. Sunday John
and I started discussing our past and got
to know each other a little bit better, but
what seem to bring about a bond between
us was a simple conversation. John had
said to me, follow me and I looked at him
and said, why would I follow an Army guy
that in peace time, in South Korea steps on
one of our own mines and blows his leg off.
Well John looked at me for what seemed
like a long time then started laughing and
said, Al, your right, I will follow you into
that store, I need to buy something, well
that statement seemed, for some reason,
form a closer bond between us.

I considered myself lucky, I had a vehicle
to get around in to kill time, most guys did
not and free time leads to boredom and
boredom leads to alcohol for me, at least
I could drive around, go places and keep
my mind off of drinking.

John and I attended 3 Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings Sunday and the weekend came to
a close with our being sober, the first time
in thirty years for me. I felt good and I said
to myself, you have the problem licked.

Author: Sobriety Veteran Guy
Alden Morrison

Detox - Day Five - Graduation Day

I am feeling really good today, the shakes for the
most part have stopped, I am not as agitated as I
was but I still have a lot of anxiety in me. I really
do not know why. I have come up with a plan to
continue in sobriety. I like being able to drive any-
where and not worry about blue and red lights
hitting me in the rear, in fact I sometimes wish
they would stop me, just so I can say, look at me,
I am sober. I must have a sick mind and being an
alcoholic must be a disease, I have yet to mention
to anybody, that I do have my doubts about this.

I present my recovery plan to my case manager
and admit to him that I am powerless over alcohol
and drugs, I mention drugs although I have never
taken any in my life, I sure like that Librium and
that my life has been unmanageable, I really mean
this, make a firm commitment to myself, that I will
never drink again, no matter what happens in my
life. I go on to tell him that I plan on staying at the
Salvation Army until I get a more stable living
condition, plan on doing the intensive care out
patient program, talk with my sponsor on a daily
basis, attend three AA meetings per day, read a
story out of the Big Book each day, and work the
steps with my sponsor and follow through with
everything the sponsor asked me to do. I will
every day, work on getting closer to my higher
power, which I call God, which I traded in for
a bottle during the Vietnam Ara. I know he has
forgiven me and will help me on a daily basis
through this mess I created in my life. I have
complete faith that he will. I now have a
burning desire to do so. Fred agrees with my
plan and I am accepted into the intensive out
care program.

The five of us that are left receive a certificate of
completion and a medallion. To most ordinary
people, this is no achievement at all, but to us
its a college degree in sobriety. Now we start a
new life.

Author: Alden Morrison

Detox - Day Four

October 18, 2007

The Librium is working, I only have some
shaking left, and feel great, the best I
have felt in years. I attend the morning
alcoholic anonymous meeting and pick up
a white chip, this is to signify the accept-
ance of the AA way of life, but I have not
bought into everything I am being taught.
I seem to be rejecting the idea that being
an alcoholic is a disease, diseases can be
cured, so I am thinking, for me, it was a
lack of character and self discipline and
thinking it is a disease to me, was just an
easy way out of explaining all the devas-
tation my drinking had done to others and
myself, anyway I tell myself that if it is a
disease, its in remission, as long as I do
not drink.

Today at class we took a self-assessment
test and by my answers, I am an alcoholic.
(see Mayo Clinic on the left of this blog).
I say to myself, this is not a good thing ,
but I also say to myself, the past is the
past, nothing I can do about it, but I really
do not like myself and feel very frustrated
and want a drink, luckily we are in class, it
saved me from another disaster.

Classes ended for the day, and we were
given two homework assignments, what
Powerless means to us and to work on
a plan for our recovery.

Author: Alden Morrison

Detox - Day Three

October 17, 2007

The day started out as usual, except, that I was
feeling much better, the Librium was doing its job.
I now had passengers with me in my car going to
and from meetings and to the classroom, we all
had the same thing in common, we were beat up
and did not have the brains to know it. Most of
the guys were homeless including me, I had given
up my apartment in Tallahassee and put my stuff
in a storage unit there, we all showed false faces
and told jokes, lied to each other, like we did not
have a care in the world but in actuality we had
lost the war and I was starting to understand that.

In class that day, I was assigned a case manager
by the name of Fred. He was in his 50's and had
been around this program for about 20 years. I
came to find out, he was an understanding man that
you could not lie to, tell him your sob story or any-
thing else, because he simply knew you were sing-
ing to the choir, as he put it.

For most of the day, we watched films on the damage
alcohol and drugs did to the body and brain, filled out
questionnaires, read pages 26, 27, 28, 86,87 and 88,
of the Big Book which we read daily as homework. One of the questionnaires was about Consequences and Feelings, I answered these questions as honestly as I could and here they are:

1. What is going on in your life that made you decide
to come to the program.?

I was laying in bed one morning, to sick to get out of it,
feeling a sense of doom and disaster, at that point I
knew,that my drinking days had come to an end.

2. What are the benefits of drinking/drugging for you.?

It gave me a could care less attitude about everything,
the only thing I cared about was making sure I had
enough liquor to carry me through the night, waking up
with no liquor around was like having no air to breath.

3. What are the disadvantages of drinking/drugging
for you.

I lost two wives, one relationship, did not see my own
two children grow up, lost a business and of course
federal tax problems.

The other three questions relate to prior attempts in
your life to sober up. I had never attempted to, at any
time in my 64 years, only to control it at times on my own.

The day ended with my having been to three Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings but I have yet to share anything
at these meetings, I seem reluctant to do so.

Author: Alden Morrison

Detox - Day Two

October 17, 2007

The Salvation Army staff woke us up at 5am because everyone had to be out of the building by 6am, my first thought was, if sober people had to get up at this time of day, I prefer drinking. I took care of business, got dressed, went to the kitchen took a cup of coffee and a pill (Librium). I felt a little nausea, had a headache and the shakes, the doughnuts did not appeal to me, off the three of us went to the AA meeting around the corner where the VA would pick us up at 8am.

The meeting started at 7am, with about 20 different
people from the previous meeting, thinking to myself,
I thought, a lot of drunks and druggies in this town,
that made me feel good for some reason, anyway the
same ritual as the day before and then the hands went
up. Some people that had been sober for sometime,
telling how good it felt, a lady crying about losing her
job and she had kids to feed and one guy in the Veteran's
group with us, telling the group this was his third
attempt at trying to live a sober life. My thoughts
about these people where, glad you're feeling good,
look for another job lady and for the veteran I thought
he must have been a real winner in the Army, God the
poor Army and now the Veteran's Administration. A
lot of other sharing went on, but my attention span
is not the greatest at this time of the morning, I need
a drink to get it to focus and I still feel, like I had
been run over by a tank.

True to his word, Mike the Va guy picks us up in a van at 8am as promised, I was surprised, government
workers are never on time, why should they, the
pay check is always there, on time or not, we head for the building on 13^th street, we arrive and I see my car is still there, that's a good thing. Next to the classroom, there is a small kitchen full of goodies, coffee and juice. I take a coffee and a banana, go to the classroom and sit, all those other guys think they are at a feast or have not eaten in months and load up and with all the pushing and shoving its hard to believe they were in the military at one time, must of been in the Navy or Army surely not the Marines
and the Air Force I always considered a pansy group that drew discomfort pay, sorry, no not really.

Classes start with us all taking a blow test, which
everyone passed, we are now eight guys. We were
all given a journal, a Big Book, Twelve Step Book,
a Prayer of the Day Book, a pamphlet explaining the
program and other things including a bag to carry
all this stuff in, they also had toilet articles and
clothes for the guys that needed them. My esteem
for Mike grew because of the way he handled this
task by making the guys in need, comfortable in
receiving these things, with the statement, “
you guys are veterans and deserve this from your
grateful country.” what seemed odd to me, was my
thinking, I joined the Marine Corps in 1961 and
stayed in until 1974 including Vietnam. I joined
voluntarily, drew a pay check, did a job and did
not expect anything for this service, I was the
grateful one, I had Veteran's benefits, so his take
on it, was new to me and sounded good.

The day continued until noon, then another AA
meeting, some more classroom work and now
I could drive my own car back and forth, but still
had that 6pm curfew at the Salvation Army.
We went to another AA meeting that night but
still feeling bad, I was not focused on it, when
it was over I drove back to the Salvation Army,
took a few more pills and went to bed.

Author: Alden Morrison

Detox - Day One

October 15, 2007, I arrived at the Veteran's Affairs Ambulatory Detox
Program, Gainesville, Fl with five other veteran's, as we introduced
ourselves, I thought, what a bunch of losers, I'm not like them, some
of them looked like they were already dead.

Orientation was the do's and no's, emphasizing, if you get caught
drinking or using drugs, while in this 5 day program, you were history.
It was now mid morning and we watched a video called “Bill's Story”,
a tear jerker, but it did not do anything for me, hang, he was a drunk,
I just had a little drinking problem and needed a little medical help
while detoxing.

We filled out some forms and a short physical exam, now it was noon
and time to go to our first AA meeting, a first for me anyway.
We entered the meeting, and it soon began with several long boring
recitals, then to the question, “does anyone have the desire to drink
today?”., several hands went up and the chairperson called on them.
In the meantime, I am looking around the room at about fifty people,
approximately one third being women. This surprised me, as I
never looked at women as alcoholics, just a drunk lady, which to me
always meant, easy pickings in exchange for a drink or pills. I was
going to like coming to these AA meetings, but like the men, some
of those ladies looked pretty used and abused, especially the crack
users.

The hour went fast and then back to the VA and in the conference
room we were using, box lunches and drinks were waiting for us,
but I was not really hungry, the shakes were taking over and I felt
like crap to say the least. I drank some coffee and called it lunch.
We all then got into a VA van and headed for the hospital, were
medications were given us, to help us through our withdrawal pains, what a God send.

Then the shocker, three of us were dropped off at the Salvation Army
in a room reserved for vet's. I skipped supper, made my bed, took a
shower, popped a double dose of pills the VA gave me and fell
asleep, end of day one.

Author: Alden (Al) Morrison

http://www.onlinebookstop.com

The Beginning of Sobriety

I always drank heavy throughout my military (USMC) and business careers including my home life. I was single until 40 years old and had a 5 or 6 year affair with a young lady in Daytona Beach, Fl that produced a girl and boy. The relationship lasted about six years, she did not drink, in hindsight ,that was a good enough reason for her to split.

I then moved to Tallahasse, Fl and there, met another young lady 20 years my junior, we married, she had three children, 4, 5, and 6. She knew I drank before I married her, so my my drinking was not an immediate problem but she had not seen me at my worst. The marriage lasted twelve years, her first husband had left the state to avoid child support, her children now grown, gave her the opportunity to ask for a divorce.

I immediately agreed, as I had lost interest in not only her, but my business. I made the divorce easy for her, left her the house intact with $200,000.00 in equity and left with $30,000.00 and a VA pension. I realized I was eligible for SSN, they said I was not only eligible but so where my two children. What a godsend, I had an extra $400.00 a month to drink on and no baggage

Now I was 62 years old and my drinking career took off like a rocket. A 40 ounce of liquor every day, before I new it, I was 64 years old walking into the VA clinic in Tallahassee on a regular doctors appointment. My doctor at the time was a flaming red headed lady with a big heart for veteran's. She made a call and I was off to see the psychiatrist. After speaking with me, he made a call and there was an opening for me at the veteran's hospital in Gainesville, Fl to start a recovery program. I had five days before I had to report and of course, I continued to drink until the morning I arrived in Gainesville.

My next blog will describe my first five days in detox.