Friday, August 8, 2008
Bitterness
You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions
When I was going through Detox,
sick as a dog and living at the
Salvation Army, I did not see
any reason to thank my Higher
Power. I had very little tolerance
and patience, in fact I was in full
panic mode and my mind was
racing a mile a minute. I think
I was angry with the world
including my Higher Power. I
was a very bitter person with a
chip on my shoulder. My whole
life didn't make any sense to me.
Why was all this crap happening
to poor me?
As the days went by, and receiving
the help I needed from the people
my Higher Power put in my path,
I overcame that bitterness and put
the blame where it actually belonged,
on me.
Whether I handled those adversities
well or not, I really do not know but
I do know that this veteran alcoholic
is grateful to the Veterans Addiction
program, Alcoholic Anonymous and
to my God.
Author: Alden Morrison
When I was going through Detox,
sick as a dog and living at the
Salvation Army, I did not see
any reason to thank my Higher
Power. I had very little tolerance
and patience, in fact I was in full
panic mode and my mind was
racing a mile a minute. I think
I was angry with the world
including my Higher Power. I
was a very bitter person with a
chip on my shoulder. My whole
life didn't make any sense to me.
Why was all this crap happening
to poor me?
As the days went by, and receiving
the help I needed from the people
my Higher Power put in my path,
I overcame that bitterness and put
the blame where it actually belonged,
on me.
Whether I handled those adversities
well or not, I really do not know but
I do know that this veteran alcoholic
is grateful to the Veterans Addiction
program, Alcoholic Anonymous and
to my God.
Author: Alden Morrison
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Finding My Fears
You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions
Fear effects my thoughts and the way I
act. I don't think I have any fears but
they could be hidden and I am told that
they are the most dangerous to have.
So I meditate on it and try to be as honest
as I can with myself. I am afraid of
getting really sick, I know I don't fear
criticism or I would not be doing this
blog. I think about my two children
and it scares me that they might get
hurt or end up as alcoholics like I am.
I have no other relationships, so there
are no anxieties there and at 65 I do
not plan on any, been there and done
that hell, of course the hell was all my
doing. I may have some fears hidden
in my past that have not come up yet.
I am currently working on my Step 4,
in conjunction with a drug/alcohol
curve and this should shake my
memory up as I dig deeper into my-
self.
In the mean time I meditate several
times a day and this helps me to not
dwell on fears. I have to be especially
careful of fears and boredom, both
could send me back to hell again. Oh
yes, I do fear God, I don't know how
to get over that one.
In the mean time I am a sober alcoholic
veteran trying to stay that way.
Author: Alden Morrison
Fear effects my thoughts and the way I
act. I don't think I have any fears but
they could be hidden and I am told that
they are the most dangerous to have.
So I meditate on it and try to be as honest
as I can with myself. I am afraid of
getting really sick, I know I don't fear
criticism or I would not be doing this
blog. I think about my two children
and it scares me that they might get
hurt or end up as alcoholics like I am.
I have no other relationships, so there
are no anxieties there and at 65 I do
not plan on any, been there and done
that hell, of course the hell was all my
doing. I may have some fears hidden
in my past that have not come up yet.
I am currently working on my Step 4,
in conjunction with a drug/alcohol
curve and this should shake my
memory up as I dig deeper into my-
self.
In the mean time I meditate several
times a day and this helps me to not
dwell on fears. I have to be especially
careful of fears and boredom, both
could send me back to hell again. Oh
yes, I do fear God, I don't know how
to get over that one.
In the mean time I am a sober alcoholic
veteran trying to stay that way.
Author: Alden Morrison
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My Alcoholic Thoughts
You Must Learn To Control Your Emotions
My thoughts will make me or break me.
When I was drinking, my foremost
thought was liquor. Do I have enough
to last me the day. I better go buy
another bottle, hang, I don't have
enough money, I better borrow some
or con someone out of it. Thoughts
effected my morals and created an ego
that just wasn't me. I was just a
simple drunk, not this sophisticated
guy that my ego developed for me.
Thinking back on it all, I probably
never went to God for help, because
I liked my character defects to much,
to even think of a higher power. I
knew that my drinking and druggie
friends did not hang out with people
that didn't use and God would only
disapprove of us, so he was not
invited to the party.
Now being a sober alcoholic veteran
and having surrendered my will over
to God, I have help in changing those
thoughts that enter my mind at will,
it seems. When I become aware of
those kind of thoughts, I now can
change them immediately, this keeps
me sober and my morals as they
should be.
Life is improving hour by hour and
most of all, I sleep well at night
knowing I did my best today.
Author: Alden Morrison
My thoughts will make me or break me.
When I was drinking, my foremost
thought was liquor. Do I have enough
to last me the day. I better go buy
another bottle, hang, I don't have
enough money, I better borrow some
or con someone out of it. Thoughts
effected my morals and created an ego
that just wasn't me. I was just a
simple drunk, not this sophisticated
guy that my ego developed for me.
Thinking back on it all, I probably
never went to God for help, because
I liked my character defects to much,
to even think of a higher power. I
knew that my drinking and druggie
friends did not hang out with people
that didn't use and God would only
disapprove of us, so he was not
invited to the party.
Now being a sober alcoholic veteran
and having surrendered my will over
to God, I have help in changing those
thoughts that enter my mind at will,
it seems. When I become aware of
those kind of thoughts, I now can
change them immediately, this keeps
me sober and my morals as they
should be.
Life is improving hour by hour and
most of all, I sleep well at night
knowing I did my best today.
Author: Alden Morrison
Monday, August 4, 2008
Step 3 - Progress
You Become What You Think About
I do my Step 3 in front of 12 other
alcoholic veterans, I get mixed
feedback.
The reality of my drinking is that I
cannot stop on my own or just with
a rehab program. I need something
greater and bigger than myself or for
anything else for that matter. I realized
by doing Steps 1 and 2, that trying to
stay sober my way did not work and
that I needed help big time from God
as I understand him. I am convinced
that I am a mentally sick person, how
else can I explain what I did to myself
and others, I can't. A rehab program
itself, cops, lawyers and doctors can
not keep me from drinking, so I have
no choice but to call on God. I realize
God has me now where he wants me
and is bending my will to conform to
his. I accept this as a fact by simply
not doubting it, because if I doubt it,
I loss faith and losing faith just means
I am back on the road to drinking and
self destruction, so I come to the
conclusion that I have no choice, I
accept God
I am not naive about the fact that there
is a price for everything and that I must
pay that price by having an open mind,
a willingness to accept things as they are
and by trying not to impose my will on
others or by having my own way, all
easier said than done but I am working
on it.
Author: Alden Morrison
I do my Step 3 in front of 12 other
alcoholic veterans, I get mixed
feedback.
The reality of my drinking is that I
cannot stop on my own or just with
a rehab program. I need something
greater and bigger than myself or for
anything else for that matter. I realized
by doing Steps 1 and 2, that trying to
stay sober my way did not work and
that I needed help big time from God
as I understand him. I am convinced
that I am a mentally sick person, how
else can I explain what I did to myself
and others, I can't. A rehab program
itself, cops, lawyers and doctors can
not keep me from drinking, so I have
no choice but to call on God. I realize
God has me now where he wants me
and is bending my will to conform to
his. I accept this as a fact by simply
not doubting it, because if I doubt it,
I loss faith and losing faith just means
I am back on the road to drinking and
self destruction, so I come to the
conclusion that I have no choice, I
accept God
I am not naive about the fact that there
is a price for everything and that I must
pay that price by having an open mind,
a willingness to accept things as they are
and by trying not to impose my will on
others or by having my own way, all
easier said than done but I am working
on it.
Author: Alden Morrison
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Patience - We Need to Practice It
You Become What You Think About
Patience is wisdom. It shows that we
understand that things unfold in
their own time, not our time. You
cannot make things happen so I
just accept that fact and if I get
impatient I have learned to change
my thoughts because thoughts create
the impatience in me.
Thoughts of the past and the future
just seem to come and go at their own
pace, like I have two minds, so as soon
as I become aware of these thoughts I
can change them. Meditation really
helps me, in doing this.
The best way I can explain this, is that
I have a young daughter that hardly
will talk to me because during my
drinking with my veteran alcoholic
friends, I neglected our relationship
for years. Now that I have been sober
for a couple of months, she still has
not come around to speaking with me.
How should I feel about her emotions,
that I have no control over, mad, angry,
impatient after all, I have been sober for
sixty days. You see now I can't do
anything about the way she feels except
do the next right thing, like attempting
to call, write a letter, telling her mother
to tell her that I love her. She is in
control, I am not. So if I want to stay
a sober veteran, I accept that fact, and
know, if I am persistent and have patience
she will come around and I will stay sober
rather than start drinking and take the
road to hell again. Meditation helps me
do this, why it works, I don't know, but
then I try to keep things simple and
accept them now, I have faith.
Author: Alden Morrison
Patience is wisdom. It shows that we
understand that things unfold in
their own time, not our time. You
cannot make things happen so I
just accept that fact and if I get
impatient I have learned to change
my thoughts because thoughts create
the impatience in me.
Thoughts of the past and the future
just seem to come and go at their own
pace, like I have two minds, so as soon
as I become aware of these thoughts I
can change them. Meditation really
helps me, in doing this.
The best way I can explain this, is that
I have a young daughter that hardly
will talk to me because during my
drinking with my veteran alcoholic
friends, I neglected our relationship
for years. Now that I have been sober
for a couple of months, she still has
not come around to speaking with me.
How should I feel about her emotions,
that I have no control over, mad, angry,
impatient after all, I have been sober for
sixty days. You see now I can't do
anything about the way she feels except
do the next right thing, like attempting
to call, write a letter, telling her mother
to tell her that I love her. She is in
control, I am not. So if I want to stay
a sober veteran, I accept that fact, and
know, if I am persistent and have patience
she will come around and I will stay sober
rather than start drinking and take the
road to hell again. Meditation helps me
do this, why it works, I don't know, but
then I try to keep things simple and
accept them now, I have faith.
Author: Alden Morrison
Friday, August 1, 2008
Relapse Prevention - My tools
You Become What You Think About
I avoid relapse by setting a daily routine
which I follow:
My routine starts at 5am. I pray giving
thanks for my sobriety, my living conditions,
being able to sustain myself, I pray for my
children, for others and our country. I ask
for strength to stay sober today and for
wisdom in my decision making and
forgiveness. I will then read a small
verse from a book called "24 Hours a
Day" followed by a short Bible verse.
I then meditate for a half hour by
clearing my mind of thoughts and
keeping it still, this is work but I am
getting better at it by doing it several
times a day, it relieves any stress or
worry I may have. I don't know why
but I always feel calm after meditation.
I call my sponsor at 7:30am because
that is what he wants, I think he is
trying to teach me that the telephone
is not heavy. He always gives me the
time I need to discuss anything I have
on my mind and he suggests sound
advice to follow.
I have set daily goals, so I read them
aloud to myself, I have already done
some of them with the above routine.
I have goals because I like to know
where I am going in life. Goals keep
me in the right direction.
I have a list of ten telephone numbers
of sober friends I have meet and during
my day, I will call several of them to
keep in touch and just chew the fat,
they do the same.
My work day then begins and by noon,
I am at my first alcoholics anonymous
meeting. I listen, I share, I mingle with
sober veteran alcoholic friends then
back to work and at another alcoholic
anonymous meeting by 5:30pm. I again
share, listen, mingle with my sober
alcoholic veteran friends then head for
home.
I then have supper, clean up, look over
my goals and finish them off for the day,
I ad some or change some for tomorrow.
I now have free time from 7 to 11pm and
I fit in prayer and meditation during this
free time and I am in bed usually by 11pm.
During the weekend my routine slightly
changes to include Church on Sunday.
This weekend I am attending a weekend
long conference on addiction at my
church. If it were not for that, I would
attend three alcoholic anonymous
meetings a day.
This routine may sound dull to some but
it keeps me sober and after all, that is my
main goal because if I do not stay sober,
life once again would become hell, been
there and done that.
Author: Alden Morrison
I avoid relapse by setting a daily routine
which I follow:
My routine starts at 5am. I pray giving
thanks for my sobriety, my living conditions,
being able to sustain myself, I pray for my
children, for others and our country. I ask
for strength to stay sober today and for
wisdom in my decision making and
forgiveness. I will then read a small
verse from a book called "24 Hours a
Day" followed by a short Bible verse.
I then meditate for a half hour by
clearing my mind of thoughts and
keeping it still, this is work but I am
getting better at it by doing it several
times a day, it relieves any stress or
worry I may have. I don't know why
but I always feel calm after meditation.
I call my sponsor at 7:30am because
that is what he wants, I think he is
trying to teach me that the telephone
is not heavy. He always gives me the
time I need to discuss anything I have
on my mind and he suggests sound
advice to follow.
I have set daily goals, so I read them
aloud to myself, I have already done
some of them with the above routine.
I have goals because I like to know
where I am going in life. Goals keep
me in the right direction.
I have a list of ten telephone numbers
of sober friends I have meet and during
my day, I will call several of them to
keep in touch and just chew the fat,
they do the same.
My work day then begins and by noon,
I am at my first alcoholics anonymous
meeting. I listen, I share, I mingle with
sober veteran alcoholic friends then
back to work and at another alcoholic
anonymous meeting by 5:30pm. I again
share, listen, mingle with my sober
alcoholic veteran friends then head for
home.
I then have supper, clean up, look over
my goals and finish them off for the day,
I ad some or change some for tomorrow.
I now have free time from 7 to 11pm and
I fit in prayer and meditation during this
free time and I am in bed usually by 11pm.
During the weekend my routine slightly
changes to include Church on Sunday.
This weekend I am attending a weekend
long conference on addiction at my
church. If it were not for that, I would
attend three alcoholic anonymous
meetings a day.
This routine may sound dull to some but
it keeps me sober and after all, that is my
main goal because if I do not stay sober,
life once again would become hell, been
there and done that.
Author: Alden Morrison
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