No man is ever whipped, until
he quits in his own mind.

Today I attended a Bible - 12 Step
Program on step nine.

The bible-12 Step meeting is a little
different than the Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings in that we sit
in a circle and everyone shares in
turn after the moderator has discussed
a certain part of Step Nine which was
the focus this week. If you do not
feel like sharing, you simply pass.

The focus was on making a direct amends
to the people we have hurt.

As people began sharing, I remembered
what my instructors in the Veterans
Program had suggested very strongly,
"avoid all relationships for at least one
year into your sobriety".

Everyone was sharing on mothers, fathers,
siblings, ex wives, husbands or significant
others. No one shared anything about
just plain friends, it seems we alcoholics
are short of real friends and it was very
evident we know how to destroy personal
relationships with close family members
and that is a good enough reason to avoid
any new relationships for at least your
first year of sobriety.

I was thinking about myself since I have
been sober for eleven months now and I
am content. I have not had any real
relationships in the last five years and
single life suites me fine. I avoid
relationships like they are the plague,
so there are no new violent words to
make amends for. The tongue can be a
very violent tool, more so than our
sometimes reactions to someone else's
tongue (domestic violence).

Bottom line is, avoid relationships
for a while anyway, enjoy your own
company because we do not need any
more problems than we already have.

Author: Alden Morrison

Veteran Breakdown

I had a appointment to meet with
Dr. Jennie Brandt, Medical Director
and the rest of the staff at the treatment
center for alcohol and drug addiction.
Attending were a psychiatrist, case
managers and what seemed to be a
whole lot of other people. As I walked
into the conference room, I think I
felt intimidated, I was offered a seat.
I still had shakes and my head still
seemed foggy from detoxing and the
Librium I was taking.

The questions started coming fast and
I don't think I answered them fully but
was doing the best I can in blaming
everyone else for my drinking problems
and the insane things I had done while
intoxicated. Then came Dr. Brandts
turn and she started questioning me
about my ex wife and of course I was
spouting off how terrible this women
and her kids where and poor me had
to put up with all her stuff, which made
me drink more. Dr. Brandt and other
staff members did not buy this and
the questions kept on coming. I finally
broke down crying, this tough ex
Marine was crying like a baby. Dr.
Brandt handed me a Kleenex and that
was the end of the session. I felt very
humiliated and defeated. The thought
ran through my head, buy a bottle, get
in the car and head to South Florida,
I hated Dr. Brandt and the rest of the
staff, they had made me see, what I did
not want to see, I was a drunk, a real
alcoholic, my tough ex Marine face
was destroyed, but something inside
me said, stay or you will die, I decided
to stay. I went back to the classroom,
looked at those veterans and said, I
broke down crying in there. No one
said anything.

I came to love Dr. Brandt, she really
cared about we veterans and helped
us in every way and really showed it
on an occasion weeks later, when she
was reading a paragraph to us out of
the Big Book concerning an incident.
She had tears flowing down her cheeks.

If by chance she ever reads this blog,
Doctor, you are a wonderful loving,
caring person and one hot looking
lady doctor.

For any veterans with an addiction
to drugs or alcohol or both, the
Gainesville Veterans Hospital in
Gainesville, Fl is the place to be,
when you are ready, but not before.

Author: Alden Morrison