October 18, 2007
The Librium is working, I only have some
shaking left, and feel great, the best I
have felt in years. I attend the morning
alcoholic anonymous meeting and pick up
a white chip, this is to signify the accept-
ance of the AA way of life, but I have not
bought into everything I am being taught.
I seem to be rejecting the idea that being
an alcoholic is a disease, diseases can be
cured, so I am thinking, for me, it was a
lack of character and self discipline and
thinking it is a disease to me, was just an
easy way out of explaining all the devas-
tation my drinking had done to others and
myself, anyway I tell myself that if it is a
disease, its in remission, as long as I do
not drink.
Today at class we took a self-assessment
test and by my answers, I am an alcoholic.
(see Mayo Clinic on the left of this blog).
I say to myself, this is not a good thing ,
but I also say to myself, the past is the
past, nothing I can do about it, but I really
do not like myself and feel very frustrated
and want a drink, luckily we are in class, it
saved me from another disaster.
Classes ended for the day, and we were
given two homework assignments, what
Powerless means to us and to work on
a plan for our recovery.
Author: Alden Morrison
Showing posts with label detox program. Show all posts
Showing posts with label detox program. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Detox - Day Three
October 17, 2007
The day started out as usual, except, that I was
feeling much better, the Librium was doing its job.
I now had passengers with me in my car going to
and from meetings and to the classroom, we all
had the same thing in common, we were beat up
and did not have the brains to know it. Most of
the guys were homeless including me, I had given
up my apartment in Tallahassee and put my stuff
in a storage unit there, we all showed false faces
and told jokes, lied to each other, like we did not
have a care in the world but in actuality we had
lost the war and I was starting to understand that.
In class that day, I was assigned a case manager
by the name of Fred. He was in his 50's and had
been around this program for about 20 years. I
came to find out, he was an understanding man that
you could not lie to, tell him your sob story or any-
thing else, because he simply knew you were sing-
ing to the choir, as he put it.
For most of the day, we watched films on the damage
alcohol and drugs did to the body and brain, filled out
questionnaires, read pages 26, 27, 28, 86,87 and 88,
of the Big Book which we read daily as homework. One of the questionnaires was about Consequences and Feelings, I answered these questions as honestly as I could and here they are:
1. What is going on in your life that made you decide
to come to the program.?
I was laying in bed one morning, to sick to get out of it,
feeling a sense of doom and disaster, at that point I
knew,that my drinking days had come to an end.
2. What are the benefits of drinking/drugging for you.?
It gave me a could care less attitude about everything,
the only thing I cared about was making sure I had
enough liquor to carry me through the night, waking up
with no liquor around was like having no air to breath.
3. What are the disadvantages of drinking/drugging
for you.
I lost two wives, one relationship, did not see my own
two children grow up, lost a business and of course
federal tax problems.
The other three questions relate to prior attempts in
your life to sober up. I had never attempted to, at any
time in my 64 years, only to control it at times on my own.
The day ended with my having been to three Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings but I have yet to share anything
at these meetings, I seem reluctant to do so.
Author: Alden Morrison
The day started out as usual, except, that I was
feeling much better, the Librium was doing its job.
I now had passengers with me in my car going to
and from meetings and to the classroom, we all
had the same thing in common, we were beat up
and did not have the brains to know it. Most of
the guys were homeless including me, I had given
up my apartment in Tallahassee and put my stuff
in a storage unit there, we all showed false faces
and told jokes, lied to each other, like we did not
have a care in the world but in actuality we had
lost the war and I was starting to understand that.
In class that day, I was assigned a case manager
by the name of Fred. He was in his 50's and had
been around this program for about 20 years. I
came to find out, he was an understanding man that
you could not lie to, tell him your sob story or any-
thing else, because he simply knew you were sing-
ing to the choir, as he put it.
For most of the day, we watched films on the damage
alcohol and drugs did to the body and brain, filled out
questionnaires, read pages 26, 27, 28, 86,87 and 88,
of the Big Book which we read daily as homework. One of the questionnaires was about Consequences and Feelings, I answered these questions as honestly as I could and here they are:
1. What is going on in your life that made you decide
to come to the program.?
I was laying in bed one morning, to sick to get out of it,
feeling a sense of doom and disaster, at that point I
knew,that my drinking days had come to an end.
2. What are the benefits of drinking/drugging for you.?
It gave me a could care less attitude about everything,
the only thing I cared about was making sure I had
enough liquor to carry me through the night, waking up
with no liquor around was like having no air to breath.
3. What are the disadvantages of drinking/drugging
for you.
I lost two wives, one relationship, did not see my own
two children grow up, lost a business and of course
federal tax problems.
The other three questions relate to prior attempts in
your life to sober up. I had never attempted to, at any
time in my 64 years, only to control it at times on my own.
The day ended with my having been to three Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings but I have yet to share anything
at these meetings, I seem reluctant to do so.
Author: Alden Morrison
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Detox - Day One
October 15, 2007, I arrived at the Veteran's Affairs Ambulatory Detox
Program, Gainesville, Fl with five other veteran's, as we introduced
ourselves, I thought, what a bunch of losers, I'm not like them, some
of them looked like they were already dead.
Orientation was the do's and no's, emphasizing, if you get caught
drinking or using drugs, while in this 5 day program, you were history.
It was now mid morning and we watched a video called “Bill's Story”,
a tear jerker, but it did not do anything for me, hang, he was a drunk,
I just had a little drinking problem and needed a little medical help
while detoxing.
We filled out some forms and a short physical exam, now it was noon
and time to go to our first AA meeting, a first for me anyway.
We entered the meeting, and it soon began with several long boring
recitals, then to the question, “does anyone have the desire to drink
today?”., several hands went up and the chairperson called on them.
In the meantime, I am looking around the room at about fifty people,
approximately one third being women. This surprised me, as I
never looked at women as alcoholics, just a drunk lady, which to me
always meant, easy pickings in exchange for a drink or pills. I was
going to like coming to these AA meetings, but like the men, some
of those ladies looked pretty used and abused, especially the crack
users.
The hour went fast and then back to the VA and in the conference
room we were using, box lunches and drinks were waiting for us,
but I was not really hungry, the shakes were taking over and I felt
like crap to say the least. I drank some coffee and called it lunch.
We all then got into a VA van and headed for the hospital, were
medications were given us, to help us through our withdrawal pains, what a God send.
Then the shocker, three of us were dropped off at the Salvation Army
in a room reserved for vet's. I skipped supper, made my bed, took a
shower, popped a double dose of pills the VA gave me and fell
asleep, end of day one.
Author: Alden (Al) Morrison
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)